An Apology

Well, today I apologised to my girlfriend's eldest son. It was one of the most significant things I have ever done. Why? Because, the fear of upsetting people, the guilt that goes along with it has haunted me since I was a child. I have never apologised to someone a week after the event. All my previous apologies were done in a remorseful manner, suffering a hangover. Remorse is a terrible thing but all my apologies, and this bares repeating, were undertaken when drunk.

This apology was done sober. Last Monday, following my last drunk and outburst, I left early. My girlfriend took two days off work and her son helped her through. He told her that I should come back, because he knows we should be together, that we love each other and that we can all talk.

Well I did come back Friday. I picked him up this morning with his mum and I apologised. This apology was done sober. It was said a week after the event. I did not have to make this apology, I could have ran away and never come back but I did, and I made the apology.

I am proud of myself. I am not sure if I should be but I am because I did something that was right. I can do no more.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Those words have dominated my thoughts this week. And they are very true now. I have done all that I can but her son is very angry and there is an atmosphere. But then he is always angry, there is always an atmosphere. That is one of the pressures I was unable to deal with without recourse alcohol. If he is angry so be it. I can not change him. I can only change me. I am not the cause of his anger. His anger has been there for many years. Yes I did wrong but I have done all I can.

But, I am not going to let someone else's behaviour and mood have an impact on my sobriety. If I have to I will go back to where I am comfortable.