Tomorrow

Reading my copy of Living for Today reminds me that I should not think about my problems tomorrow but I thought I would share them here.

This is my fourth day sober. Tomorrow, my girlfriend's eldest son will be coming to stay. Last Sunday, my behaviour towards him was appalling. Why, because I am alcoholic and was unable to assimilate and deal with daily pressures without recourse to retarded behaviour.

Those pressures were real and I felt them terribly. I am proud that I took on part responsibility for a new family earlier this year. Throughout this year, I have done my best to keep everyone together, to be part of a new family, to discard things that were said and done that were hurtful, sometimes very hurtful.

But, of course, I am an alcoholic and eventually as part of a drunk, I was going to unleash my feelings. Last Sunday, I did towards my girlfriend and her eldest son.

I left early Monday morning, my girlfriend took two days off work and the two of them talked. He looked after her and said that neither of us should drink but that I should come back because we do love each other and I make her happy, which is of course what he wants.

I came home yesterday. Tomorrow, I will see my girlfriend's son and I will apologise. It is going to be hard because I care and I want this family. In times past, I would have escaped, gone on more drunks. Those days are over because I know that I can never drink again.